Discombobulated

It has been a really REALLY long time since I have done a "word" post. So excuse me while I take a little break from the charity projects to post a word for today. I just felt the need.

Today's word: Discombobulated--to be confused or disconcerted; upset; frustrated.

Go ahead and look it up. You'll probably find my picture.

It has been one of those days. Oh don't pretend you don't have them. You want to wash your face so you turn on the water then pour a big blob of detangle hair conditioner in your hand. Ugh. And since that didn't turn out so well, you decide to brush your teeth. *Squirt* There's a long ribbon of toothpaste now on your comb. You say to yourself--I DID already put sugar in my coffee, didn't I? Or did I? You go into the next room and can't remember why you are there. And maybe you should have checked to make sure your T-shirt wasn't on backwards before you walked out the door.

So maybe I'm the only one whose brain (and life) feels like it has just gone through a spin cycle and then tumbled dry. I know why I'm like this. It's stress. You thought it was because I OD'ed on fabric and yarn lint didn't you? I'm not saying I have my addictions under control, but I can handle my crafts! Okay!?!

We've been home a good two months now and you know how I get...I told God I wasn't going to get all worried and panicky this time. And I've done better. Really I have. But today was meltdown day!

The last three days I've spent a good bit of time in prayer. Seeking and sighing, hallowing and hoping, begging, and bargaining, wailing and wallowing. Storms have blown across the country and still, here we sit. Undeployed. Hubby has called the deployment office twice to make sure they know he is ready to go, but he's not been the lucky guy yet. The fact that he is doing a little contracting work on the side helps, but if we could have had a decent living doing that, we wouldn't have started this Dashing and Bold adventure in the first place.

Today, after I'd been on my knees a while, making sure God knew how frustrated I feel, I walked across the yard and the Spirit told me just to give thanks. So I started thanking God for everything I could see, hear, and feel. At that moment the mail carrier pulled up to my box across the street.

"It's here," I heard in my spirit. I knew what "it" was.

I started not to walk across the street. I thought maybe if I just left "it" in the box...I don't know...maybe someone would come flying down the street too fast, lose control, smash into our mailbox and "it" would be knocked out and blown away.

After a short mental wrestling match with myself I went ahead and walked to the box. Sure enough, there "it" was. The hospital bill. (I don't think I told you that my daughter spent a couple of nights in the hospital recently.) It's amazing how much a bag of salt water costs these days! Not to mention a nuclear medicine test, X-rays, CT scans, sonograms,...

My kid is an adult now, but there is no way she can pay a bill like this. And you know what parents do when even their adult child falls apart--they do everything they can to sweep up the pieces. (This particular kid has a knack of falling apart when our broom has lost it bristles.)

With head hanging low I drug my feet back across the street and up the steps into my RV. I decided to do a little blog hopping to take my mind off my troubles. I brought up one of my favorites that I've not read in a while, and before the page was finished loading, this song gushed from my little speakers like a sudden summer downpour. (Read the words carefully.)

MELTDOWN MOMENT!

From discombobulated  to meltdown in a matter of a few hours. It's probably a good thing that I cry instead of drink because I tied on a good one! Eventually I was able to dry my face, blow my nose and soon a precious friend from another state started a text conversation. Somewhere in it she reminded me to be thankful in all circumstances. (I think that's what we, on  a good spiritual day, call confirmation.) On a discombobulated meltdown day, it's a reason to grab another Kleenex. 

Confirmation is a sweet sweet thing. It's God's way of showing us that He is listening when we pray. And He does care about our struggles.

While we were still texting, my daughter called the hospital to discuss her inability to pay the bill. The lady on the other end told her that, because of her low income, she had qualified for one of the hospital's benevolence programs. They just happened to mail the bill the day before they qualified her. (Somebody get me another tissue!)

I'm kinda dense sometimes and I don't always listen well, especially when I'm so discombobulated. But now I get it! When the Spirit spoke earlier, I heard two totally unrelated sentences. But what He really said was, "Just give thanks (COMMA) it's here."
(Excuse me a minute while I wipe the droplets off my granny glasses.)

We still sit here undeployed and wondering why. Every circumstance in my life is not as I would like. But these trying circumstances will never change who I forever am in Christ. So I give thanks. It never crosses my mind to turn my back on Him. Instead I draw closer to Him in these times. So I pray...

Give me joy, give me peace, give me the chance to be free. Give me anything that brings You glory. I know there will be days when this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes...
And I give thanks.

What a day!

I just found a gnat in my Kool Aid and the pepper shaker in the microwave! Ugh.

I think I should go now. My discombobulated ears hear a tub of hot water and lavender bubbles calling.

Discipleship and crumbs in my cream cheese

I'm not a neat freak. You want to know how I know? For starters, my flip flops are still under the chair I was sitting in when I kicked them off over an hour ago, and that's not where I am sitting now. But the whereabouts of my shoes isn't what started me to thinking about my issues with tidiness. It was this.

I think a section of heaven must be made out of cream cheese. Oh yes, I love cream cheese! When I eat cream cheese, I  mean really ENJOY cream cheese, I pull open the package and dig right in. I don't try to be neat or orderly, clean or sophisticated. I dig, gouge, and scoop my way to sheer bliss. No need to waste time removing it from the foil, cutting even slices or anything like that. No sirree. Life is short!

While I was digging in my little hunk of heaven the other morning during breakfast, some granola crumbs from the knife stayed stuck in the cheese.

From out of nowhere thoughts of my mother flashed through my mind. She is a neat freak. One look at my cream cheese would have her twitching. As long as I've lived and known my mother I don't think I've ever seen a crumb in her cream cheese, in her butter, or even left on the counter longer that a split second. My mother wouldn't eat cream cheese right out of the foil in the first place, much less dig it out so unevenly and leave crumbs behind.

I thought, as I ate, about how different my mother and I are. Oh, I look a lot like her, but in so many areas, neatness being a big one, we are very, very different. I wondered why.

Again, a lightning bolt thought--Lavonda, you are not her disciple.
Wow! Where did that come from?  (I love it when the Holy Spirit joins me for breakfast.)

If you look the word disciple up in the dictionary, you are probably going to find:

disciple--noun--follower

That's a pretty dull definition. It is also an insufficient definition.Pull out a Lexical Aid and you'll see a disciple follows, yes, and a disciple learns from her teacher, yes, but a true disciple puts those things she learns into practice in her own life. She applies what she knows.

My mother was diligent in teaching me how to be neat, clean, and tidy. She taught me that crumbs in the butter or cream cheese are not good. I know how to completely unwrap cream cheese, place it on a plate, and slice (with a clean knife) off only what I need at the time. I learned and I learned well.

I JUST DON'T DO IT!

 No, I'm not my mother's disciple. The life changing question is...

Whose disciple am I? I'm I a disciple of Christ? Do I learn from Him, follow Him, and do I put the things I've learned into practice in my own life? Do I LIVE the life of my teacher, master, and Lord?

Becoming a disciple is not something I can do once and then mark it off my list of things to do. Being a disciple requires me to actively apply the teaching of Jesus Christ to my life, my actions and attitudes, every single minute of every day.

Let me tell you, I'm trying. I know I fail from time to time. Sometimes I'm aware when I mess up and sometimes I'm not, but I have a feeling that from now on, every time I eat cream cheese, right out of the foil wrapper, I'll have Company for breakfast and He will help me see and get past my points of failure.

What about you? Are you someone's disciple? Are you a disciple of Christ? Please leave comments and share your thoughts on discipleship.

Introductions

Last Sunday at church, I sat by my youngest daughter. My daughter sat beside her friend. She has known this person for a year or more, but recently their friendship has taken on a new dimension. There is a new kind of interest between them. Um hum. Cute grins and pet names testify.

After the service was over we all walked out together, headed for our cars. Before we got to the door, the young man said something to my baby girl, and she passed along to me, "He wants me to meet some of his friends."

I said, "Okay." We parted ways, and I thought, how cute.

The instant the two of them became official, Facebook statuses changed and my little girl has been on a mission to introduce her guy to all her friends and family. She seems to want the whole world to know she has a boyfriend, a new relationship. Apparently he is on the same kind of mission because my kid has already met his father and talked on the phone with his mother, and of course, met the friends at church.

Their eagerness reminded me of a couple of men who were excited about a new relationship--a new friend.
To get the whole story, please read the first chapter of the gospel of John, but for the moment, look at verses 40-46.

40 One of the two who heard John speak and followed Him, was Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother. 41 He found first his own brother Simon and said to him, “We have found the Messiah” (which translated means Christ). 42 He brought him to Jesus. Jesus looked at him and said, “You are Simon the son of John; you shall be called Cephas” (which is translated Peter).
43 The next day He purposed to go into Galilee, and He found Philip. And Jesus said to him, “Follow Me.” 44 Now Philip was from Bethsaida, of the city of Andrew and Peter. 45 Philip found Nathanael and said to him, “We have found Him of whom Moses in the Law and also the Prophets wrote—Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.” 46 Nathanael said to him, “Can any good thing come out of Nazareth?” Philip said to him, “Come and see.”

I don't know about you, but boy do I feel convicted. I sense the Holy Spirit saying, "Jesus Christ is the lover of your soul. Your relationship is special and intimate. So why aren't you eager, as these young ones, to introduce Him to all of your friends?"

I'm seldom without words, but ...(Did I just hear a pin drop?)

Have I gotten so comfortable, familiar, or bored, in my relationship with the only one who loves me enough to die for me, that I don't think to introduce Him to other people? Do I not want the whole world to know Him, and know that I am in an intimate and eternal relationship with Him? When was the last time I told anybody that I have a friend who is also my savior, the love and passion of my life?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh! By the way, if you've never met him, I'd like for you to know my friend. His name is Jesus. There is no other person like him because he is also God. He loves me so much that he died for me--taking the punishment I deserve because of my sins. Jesus rose from the grave conquering death and hell so I can live as a conquer forever!  He loves and cares for me more than anybody else can. Because I believe everything He says about himself, he is building for me a mansion in heaven, and some day he will take me there to live with him for eternity.

All you have to do is believe in Him and you can have the same future. Jesus wants to be your friend too. You may not know it, but Jesus loves you just as much as he does me. He wants to give you every good and perfect gift, including eternal life.

I know the Messiah, come and see!

Today Was A Day of Worship

I sat in the camper, alone and afoot.
The Holy Spirit beckoned, "Come and worship."
"But where shall I go?"
"To a place I have prepared."The place of worship, carpeted lush and green--and paved around.
A canopy of brilliant blue and nebulous white.

The chandelier shown like the noonday sun.

And there for me, a pew of stone.

Surrounded by fellow worshipers.
...the whole multitude of the disciples began to praise God joyfully with a loud voice for all the miracles which they had seen, saying,
"Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord;
Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!"
And some of the Pharisees in the multitude said to Him,
"Teacher, rebuke Your disciples."
And He answered and said,
I tell you, if these become silent, the stones will cry out!"
Luke 19:37-40

For you will go out with joy, and be led forth with peace;
The mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you,
And the trees of the field will clap their hands.
Isaiah 55:12

To my left sat "The Amen Crowd."
(Notice the halo.)

But I fear some were only there for the pot-luck dinner on the ground.

The praise and worship team lead my heart and voice in worship--
And now my head will be lifted up above my enemies around me;
And I will offer in His tent sacrifices with shouts of joy;
I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.
Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice,
And be gracious to me and answer me.
Psalm 27:6-7

There stood a pulpit.
The deliverer of God's Word,
the Holy Spirit,
didn't show up well in the photo,
but He was there.

Before the service ended, it got a little charismatic and the creative types all started dancing-- like dandelions in the wind.

I will extol Thee, O Lord, for Thou hast lifted me up....
Amen

Living Simply and Simply Living

I’ve lived on both sides of the fence, so I have a right to straddle it without condemnation. I’m talking about the fence that divides living simply and simply living.

Two blogs that I enjoy reading are, The Old Oak Swing and Joyful Noise. I suggest you take a look at these if you have not already. I love to go there and relax. These women and their families live simply. By that I mean they grow much of their food, have chickens and fresh eggs, don’t own a microwave, cook all their food from scratch, use their skills and talents to make handmade gifts, etc. Old fashioned you might say. Women after my own heart.

That’s how I grew up. I lived on ranches, never knew what a microwave was, seldom had a telephone, and TV was no big deal. Sometimes we had one and sometimes we didn’t. I didn’t need video games for entertainment—I knew how to use my imagination. (I really wanted to be a horse when I grew up.)

I know about chickens—from hatchling to fryers and laying hens. I know how to grow my veggies in a garden and preserve them for winter’s use. Homemade jellies and jams I’ve done. I know how to milk a cow (though I’m not very good at it), then strain straw and flies out of the beautiful white liquid, skim the cream, and make butter. Been there done that.

I could go on and on, but basically I’ve lived, as some say, simply.

I’ve also been on the hamster wheel of life, running my little self silly, and getting nowhere as I tried to acquire, achieve, accomplish… I’ve worked six part-time jobs at once all while homeschooling my kids. I’ve been in complicated circumstances where most of the time I felt as if I was only surviving, just making it to the next day—simply living.

A few days ago, after reading one of these beautiful blogs, I had a little chat with the Lord. I confessed to Him that I sometimes envy the authors. I often miss the simple things of life. I didn’t want to be living in sin, so I inquired of the Lord to see if my envy was a sin.

Here is how He answered me. (Forgive me if I make God sound a little too common or somehow less holy than He is. That’s not my intent. But He speaks to my heart in a way that I can understand—middle class average intelligence English.)

God: What’s so simple about raising chickens? There are trips to the feed store for their food. You have to water them every day, and in the winter that’s easier said than done. You’ve got to clean out the nests, gather the eggs. There’s almost always some poop to be washed off the eggs before putting them away. And speaking of chicken poop, don’t forget the cleaning of the shoes after your daily trip into the henhouse.

Me: hmmm.

God: When you want eggs or chicken, all you have to do is go to the store, pick them up, and come home. No poop washing or scraping, no feather plucking. Which is simpler for you?

Me: Okay, well—

God: Gardening is great, but is it really simple? There’s the tilling and the planting and the watering and the weeding and the picking and the preserving. I’ve placed you where you are in this season of your life and all you have to do is open a can—green beans are yours. How simple is that?

Me: Yeah but--

God: And as far as baking a cake from scratch. I know you and how prideful you can be about your cooking and baking abilities. It is not as easy for pride to come between us when all you do is open a tiny little bag of dry mix, add a little bit of water then microwave it all for a minute and fifteen seconds. And right now do you need a cake that serves more than two people?

Me: No.

God: It's not simplicity you long for. It’s contentment.

Me: Oh.

God: You like the sense of accomplishment you get from doing things the less convenient way. You want to satisfy yourself with hard work and produce from your own hands. You long for the peaceful feeling you get when you think you are living a simple life. All this is not bad, but that’s not where I’ve placed you right now. Look around you. You are living simply—and simply living.

Me: (silence)

God: Everything you want or need you can find in Me, not in a garden or a chicken coop. Not even on a hamster's wheel.

So, I’m riding the fence, trying not to get splinters in my behind, and choosing to be content with everything I have in the place God has me.

Philippians 4:11-13 “…I’ve learned to be content in whatever situation I’m in. I know how to live in poverty or prosperity. No matter what the situation, I’ve learned the secret of how to live when I’m full or when I’m hungry, when I have too much or when I have too little. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

(But I still think it might be cool to be a horse!)