Today's word: Discombobulated--to be confused or disconcerted; upset; frustrated.
Go ahead and look it up. You'll probably find my picture.
It has been one of those days. Oh don't pretend you don't have them. You want to wash your face so you turn on the water then pour a big blob of detangle hair conditioner in your hand. Ugh. And since that didn't turn out so well, you decide to brush your teeth. *Squirt* There's a long ribbon of toothpaste now on your comb. You say to yourself--I DID already put sugar in my coffee, didn't I? Or did I? You go into the next room and can't remember why you are there. And maybe you should have checked to make sure your T-shirt wasn't on backwards before you walked out the door.
So maybe I'm the only one whose brain (and life) feels like it has just gone through a spin cycle and then tumbled dry. I know why I'm like this. It's stress. You thought it was because I OD'ed on fabric and yarn lint didn't you? I'm not saying I have my addictions under control, but I can handle my crafts! Okay!?!
We've been home a good two months now and you know how I get...I told God I wasn't going to get all worried and panicky this time. And I've done better. Really I have. But today was meltdown day!
The last three days I've spent a good bit of time in prayer. Seeking and sighing, hallowing and hoping, begging, and bargaining, wailing and wallowing. Storms have blown across the country and still, here we sit. Undeployed. Hubby has called the deployment office twice to make sure they know he is ready to go, but he's not been the lucky guy yet. The fact that he is doing a little contracting work on the side helps, but if we could have had a decent living doing that, we wouldn't have started this Dashing and Bold adventure in the first place.
Today, after I'd been on my knees a while, making sure God knew how frustrated I feel, I walked across the yard and the Spirit told me just to give thanks. So I started thanking God for everything I could see, hear, and feel. At that moment the mail carrier pulled up to my box across the street.
"It's here," I heard in my spirit. I knew what "it" was.
I started not to walk across the street. I thought maybe if I just left "it" in the box...I don't know...maybe someone would come flying down the street too fast, lose control, smash into our mailbox and "it" would be knocked out and blown away.
After a short mental wrestling match with myself I went ahead and walked to the box. Sure enough, there "it" was. The hospital bill. (I don't think I told you that my daughter spent a couple of nights in the hospital recently.) It's amazing how much a bag of salt water costs these days! Not to mention a nuclear medicine test, X-rays, CT scans, sonograms,...
My kid is an adult now, but there is no way she can pay a bill like this. And you know what parents do when even their adult child falls apart--they do everything they can to sweep up the pieces. (This particular kid has a knack of falling apart when our broom has lost it bristles.)
With head hanging low I drug my feet back across the street and up the steps into my RV. I decided to do a little blog hopping to take my mind off my troubles. I brought up one of my favorites that I've not read in a while, and before the page was finished loading, this song gushed from my little speakers like a sudden summer downpour. (Read the words carefully.)
From discombobulated to meltdown in a matter of a few hours. It's probably a good thing that I cry instead of drink because I tied on a good one! Eventually I was able to dry my face, blow my nose and soon a precious friend from another state started a text conversation. Somewhere in it she reminded me to be thankful in all circumstances. (I think that's what we, on a good spiritual day, call confirmation.) On a discombobulated meltdown day, it's a reason to grab another Kleenex.
Confirmation is a sweet sweet thing. It's God's way of showing us that He is listening when we pray. And He does care about our struggles.
While we were still texting, my daughter called the hospital to discuss her inability to pay the bill. The lady on the other end told her that, because of her low income, she had qualified for one of the hospital's benevolence programs. They just happened to mail the bill the day before they qualified her. (Somebody get me another tissue!)
I'm kinda dense sometimes and I don't always listen well, especially when I'm so discombobulated. But now I get it! When the Spirit spoke earlier, I heard two totally unrelated sentences. But what He really said was, "Just give thanks (COMMA) it's here."
(Excuse me a minute while I wipe the droplets off my granny glasses.)
We still sit here undeployed and wondering why. Every circumstance in my life is not as I would like. But these trying circumstances will never change who I forever am in Christ. So I give thanks. It never crosses my mind to turn my back on Him. Instead I draw closer to Him in these times. So I pray...
Give me joy, give me peace, give me the chance to be free. Give me anything that brings You glory. I know there will be days when this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes...
And I give thanks.
What a day!
I just found a gnat in my Kool Aid and the pepper shaker in the microwave! Ugh.
I think I should go now. My discombobulated ears hear a tub of hot water and lavender bubbles calling.