My Feet Don't Hurt A Bit

A couple of evenings ago I was about my usual tasks. I did the supper dishes then decided to replenish the supply of bottled water and soft drinks I keep in the refrigerator. Our stash of extras is stored in our "basement" that is accessible from outside the camper, so I went out to get some.

I collected a small variety of bottles and cans, clutched them tightly to my chest, and headed back inside the camper.

Now I've done this many times, so it is one of those motions I go through, almost daily, without giving much thought to what I'm actually doing. I seldom have problems with this task, though one time I did drop a can of Coke and it landed just right on a tiny little rock...The ants loved me and the sticky mess I created. Since that time, I do pay a little more attention to how tightly I clutch the drinks.

As most of you know, I'm vertically challenged. Not enough to be disabled, but enough that I have to partially climb the steps of the camper to reach the door's latch, especially when my arms are full of drinks and I can't reach above my head without dropping something. And as some of you might know, camper doors swing out when they open. So, my normal MO (method of operation) is to step up on the first step (if my arms are empty) or the second or third step, (depending on how tightly I'm having to squeeze my armload of carbonated, artificially colored and flavored, high fructose corn syrup) unlatch the door, then step back down the steps while leaning backward to allow the door room to swing open. Then I climb the steps once again and, whew... I'm inside, safe and sound.

This particular evening, just before I attempted the "open door with arms full" trick, it rained. I'm talking a downpour. Even though the awning was out, the wind had blown the rain in under the awning and the steps were nice and wet. And slick! And I, in my typical fashion, had bare feet.

I was really concentrating on not dropping any of those cans or bottles, so this was a "climb to the third step" trip. In one smooth motion, I unlatched the door, stepped down to the second step, and swung my body weight backward to clear the door. I looked down just in time to see my foot slip on the wet step, thus sending the lower half of my leg all the way through the steps. Being the quick thinker that I am, I thought to myself, Oh no! I'm going to fall!

I must have the gift of prophecy too. Sure enough! My head hit the ground first, and bounced. I've not gone to the doctor but I'm positive that whiplash is the term I'm looking for here. Then my body, thinking my head was having so much fun, followed. When a middle-aged, Dodge-Ram-seat-shaped hunk of fat, muscle, and bones flings itself off a flight of steps head first, the neck connecting it to that head is bound to get jammed. And, at the exact time I started my "down-to-earth" trip, the gravitational pull experienced a power surge! I guess I hit with such force the earth shook because my dear hubby came to see what was going on. He had to gather up the drinks because the impact popped them out of my grip and scattered them.

I have not hurt like this since my van was T-boned by a crazy lady trying to make it through an intersection on a red. I've still got a headache too. My mom thinks I gave myself a concussion. I don't think it is quite that bad, but you can bet I might use it as an excuse the next time I have one of my mental moments. Parts of my body that never touched the ground, including the gross squishy parts you can't see, hurt. I scraped my elbow, bruised my shin, my back, my ribs, and did who-knows-what kind of damage to my neck...but looking on the bright side, my feet don't hurt a bit!